Here is a summary video of my first hand research as well as some personal thoughts on the matter.
Interview with my Mother, over her brother who passed away.
What's it like to lose a family member?
- "It's a shock. The first thing you feel is disbelief and that it can't be true."
- You want to blame someone else, you start blaming anything you can think of. Bu after time you slowly get to grips with the situation.
- The shock hits you randomly sometimes, even years after. Just being near people who resemble the lost person, or going near things that remind you of them hits you and sends you back into what you felt when you first found out.
Interview with my friend, who wrote her own answers to the questions.
>Who did you lose?
Two years ago I lost my nan to cancer.
>What was it like when you heard the news?
Before this I had never really experienced death and it had just been something that ive heard about or had seen other people affected by it but no one in my close family or friends. I always thought that if someone close to me died that I wouldn’t be completely upset even though that now seems strange to say I just assumed that I wouldn’t cry or be upset because I normally deal with other sad things pretty well and don’t often cry. Originally my cousin had been acting weird and didn’t want to talk or go out and I just thought she was being over reactive because my nan was ill but surely she would get better. But the next day my parents told me that my nan was ill and that she was most likely gonna die. Up unitl then my nan had been ill but everyone has been ill before but they get better and everythings fine. Death just seemed like such a foreign concept to me at that time.
>What was your first reaction?
Everything hurt my chest literally like it was going to explode and I ran away and locked myself in my room and hid from the world. My parents eventually got me to come out and said that I shouldn’t be like that but I didn’t understand how we were supposed to go on and live or just even watch tv if I knew that my nan was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it.
>How did you cope with the loss at the time?
I hid I hoped that if I didn’t acknowledge the problem then it wouldn’t exist or come true. My view on the world and things like religion changed a lot in the weeks that my nan became worse. How are we supposed to believe and love a god we created this world and made things like cancer or let people die? The explanation of its their time or they will be in a better place are nonsense why would God kill my nan when she had done nothing wrong but other people who murder or sin everyday can walk around and live like nothing is wrong. Why can a thing so horrible and destructive exist in a world that god created if he is so wonderful and loving. At the time I couldn’t really cope with it especially with something like cancer where you have to watch a person deteriorate and forget who you are and become just a shell of a person. That person that you loved and had so many memories with are now gone they are forgotten and that person doesn’t even know who you are anymore. Saying goodbye to them isn’t even possible because they don’t know who you are just a nameless person surrounding them in the hospital bed.
>How do you cope with it now?
All the time I felt that I had to take care of my family and not let them be sad and take away their pain but that’s whats worse is that there was nothing I could do about it I couldn’t do anything I was useless. They say that time is supposed to help with death but I don’t think it does time does nothing it doesn’t make thinking about them any less painful or horrible. Time only makes you forget and although it’s the most excruciating pain I don’t want I to go away because that is all I have left of my nan and if I lose that pain then I feel that im losing her.